Always Leave
by Light1
Summary: Being immortal means that people will always leave you. But Alucard finds comfort in unexpected spaces.


**Always Leave**

Disclaimer: Hellsing belongs people who are not me. I am making £0.00 out of this fic, it is written purely because I have a burning need to create. Although I would like to own Alucard . . . then he'd be mine.

Rating: PG

Set: AFTER the Manga.

Authoress note: He should be used to this.

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**Always Leave**

You would think he would be used to this. You would think that after hundreds of years of being around mortals he would have gotten used to this. You would think that after hundreds of years of wars he would have gotten used to this. You would think that after hundreds of years of simply being alive in the sense that he was he would have gotten used to this. But he was not. Every time this happened it was like it was the first time. He hated it, he had always hated it. He had actually segregated himself for the longest time because he wanted to avoid this. But he found segregation to be worse. Walter was dead. It was foolish and he had always known it was foolish but he had actually expected Walter to live forever. Not in the sense that vampires did, in his mind Walter would be eternal and would remain human doing so. Logically he had known it was impossible, but so many times in his life he had seen the impossible become possible. He had always known Walter would die eventually in the same way that everyone knew they would die eventually. It had just been pushed to the back of his mind. Walter had always been there. When the boy had first arrived at Hellsing Alucard had pegged him for the type to perish on their first mission. But Walter had proven him wrong. Walter had survived time and time again. Always impossible situations, circumstances that would have destroyed millions, Walter simply strolled through, until the aged vampire had come to liken the boy to himself. After all he had survived horror upon horror, defining even conventional mortality to live for hundreds of lifetimes. Walter had survived time and time again just like he had and the link between them grew stronger. He changed his form so Walter would find him easier to talk to, not that he would EVER admit that to anyone. He jerked suddenly hearing footsteps. Footsteps that were a-lot closer than they should have been, considering his hearing. He sniffed at the wind but found it to be blowing into his face, so the person behind him was masked. He sighed and simply waited to see who it was. Seras came out of the shadows after a few moments and smiled at him. He sort of smiled back at her and watched while she sat next to him.

"Hello," she said after a few moments, he blinked at her and sighed. "You look pensive," she said prodding him

"Perhaps," he said after she stared at him for a full five minutes. It was creepy.

"Well, you can talk to me if you want to," she smiled "you don't have to but I thought so much has changed since you came back and well you must be feeling a little out of place. Then I thought to myself 'Hey there Seras you haven't changed at all, why not go talk to him.' And here I am. But still you don't need to talk if you don't want to." He blinked slowly trying to understand her and failing.

"What?" he blinked at her.

"Oh sorry that came out wrong," she blushed a little "I'm just trying to ... well to help and it was just that you looked so..." she tried to speak but was interrupted.

"I was thinking of Walter," he said just to make her slow down a bit. She fell silent and he was relieved. "He is finally gone." Walter was gone, Walter who had survived World wars, Walter who had survived Hellsing and him, Walter who had still been waiting for him after twenty years down in that hellhole of a basement. "I know it may be odd but I was surprised to find him gone." He felt foolish admitting it but it was the truth.

"But you knew he was dead?" Seras breathed "surely, how could you not know, you killed him."

"I did not kill Walter," he almost snapped at her but managed to stop himself, it was not her fault. She did not deserve his temper. "I simply fought him, the major's little trick got to me before Walter and I could conclude our game."

"Oh," she said slowly,

"We wouldn't have killed each other anyway," he said softly, knowing he sounded like a child and not caring. "It was simply a game on both our parts, something to distract the major's eye so that you could get Integra close enough to destroy him."

"You really think so?" she asked,

He watched her in silence for a few moments. She seemed almost as desperate as he to believe Walter was still one of their own. This was why betrayal sucked so much, why it always did so much damage, it always, always came from one you loved. Absently he reached out and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. She seemed a little nervous at the sudden closeness between them but she relaxed quickly enough and even wrapped an arm around his waist in return. It was nice actually. While in the void he had used his memories of Hellsing to bring himself back, he had thought of Integra and Walter a lot. He had thought of Seras, but she had always just been an almost two dimensional image. He had always known there was more to her. After all he had turned her almost moments after meeting her because there was just something about her. She was cute, almost adorable but under that, under the cute hair and the sparkling smile that so many women had was something fierce, something extraordinary and it had screamed at him, begged him to be given an outlet. He hadn't truly needed to shoot her to kill the vampire behind her, a headshot would have done the trick and he was easily skilled enough to manage a head shot to the vampire without even touching her. But he had torn her apart simply so he could make her again. But once he had made her he had lost his place, lost what it was he wanted to do with her.

It was like she had slipped from his grip and he had never re-established that grip. Now his grip was re-established. She was actually warm against him, meaning she was eating well at last. She was soft yet her grip was unrelenting. He smiled and tilted his head so he could rest against her, his sorrow at the loss of Walter fading into the background ever so slightly just by her being close to him. He could feel every muscle that was pressed against him and he actually shivered, she was so small, so very small but she was so strong, so solid. He smirked and nuzzled at her head. She made small contented sounds and pressed closer to him. He almost jumped when she kissed the bit of bare skin between his collar and his face. She had never been this bold when he had left. He had missed so much of her, so much of his own life. He sighed, saddened again by the loss. He had missed Integra becoming even more powerful, just the thought of her was enough to make him shiver again. She was an amazing creature and one he would love for as long as he existed. But she would leave him, just like Walter. But Seras, Seras was like him now, she was strong and not so vulnerable to illness, age and injury. He knew it would not last forever, nothing did but it would last for a long, long time. He would make sure of it. He drew back a little and looked down at her, she looked up at him.

"You will be wonderful," he said quietly, "A true midian."

"You're not trying to get me to bite you again are you?" she asked raising an eyebrow. He laughed and shook his head.

"No child I am not. I am content to be your master. We will see how long you will be content for me to be so," he grinned, he meant to leer at her, it was obvious but she was still oblivious to him and just blinked.

"You're not going to get all controlling and mean again?" she said. He let his expression drop, sometimes Seras acted like she needed a wakeup call. He briefly wondered what it would take but lost the train of thought when she curled back up to him. She was warm and soft and very distracting. He let himself be distracted.

"I missed you," she said softly, sounding grief filled again. He swallowed, "I miss Walter a lot as well, he was so nice to me and Integra misses him even more than I do, she really loved him." She glanced up at him and he buried his face in her hair again. "Perhaps you should tell her that you don't think Walter really ...you know changed sides." He thought about it for a moment, before realising that he could never have this kind of conversation with Integra. Integra was amazing and he did love her, but he could never be like this with her, he could never be soft with her. The two of them were always pushing each other always testing the boundary he no longer knew how to be soft with her.

"I think Integra would not like to talk about this," he said eventually, "but I am glad you could."

They sat in silence for a while and he found himself thinking on several things. He knew he could not go back, but still if he could he would talk to Walter more. Knowing that now he looked down to the fledgling in his arms and thought he should talk to her, but he didn't know what to talk about. They could talk about the situation but she still didn't understand he was pushing her to take his blood not because he wanted rid of her but so she would no longer be under his control. He was under the control of Hellsing and it was a bind he would wish on no one. Walter came back into his mind and he sighed loudly, he would always miss Walter, the man had had knowledge of what to say at times like this. Walter had always known what to say to anyone and everyone, be they a beautiful woman with an empty glass or an aged man with an empty gun. Walter had been amazing and the hole he left would not be easily filled. Seras looked up at him again and blinked.

"The major was a robot," she muttered absently, breaking the moment. He sighed loudly and thought briefly about ignoring her comment but curiosity won out.

"What the hell are you talking about?" he said pulling his nose out of her hair and away from the surprisingly comforting embrace she was giving. She was grinning up at him and for a moment he thought she was having him on but she nodded.

"He was just wires and junk," she grinned

"But ... but he ate," he answered lamely. She giggled

"I know, weird huh?"

**End**


End file.
